Understanding Mind Games Women Play
June 19th, 2008 | 
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Well, for one thing, they’re women. And women think and react with their emotions — at least more than men do, in general. But it’s really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship. The typical guy is usually clueless about the mind games women play. But play them they will, so you’d better be aware of what’s going on.
Women are divided into two groups by men. The good girls and the bad girls. The problem is that no matter which classification women fall into they are berated for it. There is a certain level of embarrassment attached to sex brought on by environmental conditioning and religious belief. Women are conditioned since birth that if we have or enjoy sex they will contract diseases be ridiculed and/or go directly to hell. Finding a happy medium is tedious and difficult.
It is quite common to see the majority of society pretending they don’t like or want anything to do with sex. While the whole time STD and teenage pregnancy statistics rise daily. People are having sexual relations from early ages on up to those who invest in medical aids to keep it going well into their golden years. Right now as you read this someone, somewhere is having sex. We all know we desire it, in fact it is instinctual but we do everything within our power to hide that fact.
If a woman is forward and aggressive about sexual desire she is pooled into the bad girl category automatically. Groups of men speak amongst themselves and label her a pig. She is then treated differently by the group at large, generally with little to no respect. The way she is approached (if she is approached at all) is often disrespectful and seldom is she considered a prospect for a long term relationship.
Women are constantly judged by how many partners they have had and usually any number higher than one makes her ethics and morals questionable. If a woman has put her faith in a man and decided to explore her sexuality or even given in to a man to “keep him satisfied” and allowed multiple positions she is at risk of that man telling all his friends about everything that transpires between them. Once that happens they are judged regardless of whether the woman loves the man or believes him to be her lifelong partner.
On the other hand we have the good girls. Those who refuse advances and remain chaste. The good women can be brought home to meet the parents and appear in public with their partner openly, while this is conceived as the better of the two type’s women know this is not the case. The good girls are considered prudes and berated for not ‘putting out’ and therefore are seldom the first to get dates.
Men threaten to leave them on a regular basis if they demand value in the relationship and commitment to allow sexual relations on the basis that they are not fulfilling the mans needs.
Men use women’s lack of willingness to submit to spontaneity and creative sexuality as an excuse to cheat on them. As much as promiscuous women are berated they are far more popular because they tend to fulfill men’s desires though they are rapidly discarded afterwards. Naturally it is perfectly ok for a man to be promiscuous in fact the more women he has landed the more he is revered by his friends, however even women will shun other women who have poor reputations so as not to suffer death by association.
So why do women play games? To preserve their reputations and hopefully avoid being labeled into either category. Therefore women have to find an alternate route to simply saying they have the same desires and urges. Women have to make men chase them only to push them away so they appear neither easy nor frigid. If a woman can not learn to yo-yo a man then she risks disgrace, stereotyping, and the possibility of solitude. Women fall prey to the double standard imposed by men, so they “play games” because men make them.
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All women are insecure, they may say that they are secure and confident and independent but, women need men to tell them they are beautiful, smart and not just objects.
when was the last time you heard a man ask his woman if he looks fat in those jeans? women like to nurture and make sure that their man looks good but, men don’t really care about the small things that women do unless they are gay.
Sure – life is hard and society is unfair to women, and that’s why they play games, in a totally understandable reaction to the unreasonable expectations of men.
I’m willing to believe that covers about 5% of it.
Cool, thanks for the insight. I always thought the yo-yo’ing was just her being slightly crazy/stupid.
Women are divided into two groups by men. The good girls and the bad girls. The problem is that no matter which classification women fall into they are berated for it.
BUT all men are unfaithful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Rosalie, I’m pretty sure that ALL of any group of people aren’t anything.
I won’t get too far into the nature vs nurture debate, but I think it’s fair to say that both impact our behaviour. Women and men may feel they are “good” or “bad” based on how they percieve themselves as fitting those societal norms.
It’s not a point of contention with me that we divide women into “good” and “bad” girls – I often place the same one in both categories over time (and back and forth – it’s fun, kind of like changing positions
It takes a grownup to realize that people aren’t that simple.
women play alot of mind games and i dont think that is good, like i will always say if you want some thing why dont you go for it
woman plays games all the time. a test to see what kind of man that they really are , silly but very effective. all mens out there watch out.
I believe it comes down to a science that really: women dont know what they want. Women can deny this all day but the truth is in the pudding. What they say they want is referring to what they “think” they want, because they havent been exposed to a man that they want yet.Regardless of how many games they play. Part of this article is true that women need to mind game a man to find out what she is dealing with. But what women dont understand is that when she makes a man chase her only to push her away, guess what she ends up with? NOTHING. Sometimes women dont know what they’re missing when they reject men. And besides, playing mind games only leads to drama.
Where is the woman who admits her sexuality in private but is unwilling to share it without a hell of a lot of love and romance first.
Even the so called good girls are just far too eager for their own good. In my humble opinion. Men should lead, yes. Press quite hard, yes. But find and bed a good woman easily, not.
Mind games be dammed, she should openly say “I want you to hear me screaming so loud the neighbours complain, but it will take you a year or two. Then in a month or so you are very flaterred.
why do some women play games.I have a Friend who ex boyfriend is with a woman who just playing a head game with him.She a stripper in V.A and the only reason she hang on to him because she know the ex-girlfriend wants him back. and i say to my self why are there some women out there that does this.I mean she deal with men all the time Yes married to.Is it a power thing or what
I mean her my space, e-mail is picturesbyme@yahoo.com you can take a look
it wont say stripper those on it
Thats right women plays game all the time . but guess what you men have to be on your toes , beat her in her own game ,I guaranteed that she will fall head overheel with you. they only make sure you are not one of those 90% wussy guys.
Women shuttle between superficiality and substance and men seem to get caught up in the ebb and flow.
Women are still kids at heart, and playing games, including mind games, is part and parcel of what it is for females being who they are.
I don’t agree that it is all salient mind games, most women are not in friendly salient contact with the inner cave woman and do certain stuff on impulse. We need to see that it is deeply rational never the less. Deep in the subconscious is a terrible doubt, that this man may be an insecure fake. The inner cave woman will not pass her genes on with inferior male seed attached. So there is a tantrum and drama. For instance the taxi is outside for the trip to the theatre and she cannot find her long black silk gloves, she is near hysterical, there is anger and there are tears.
The unsatisfactory man will either become excited himself, or become angry. The theatre will not let you in late and this date is a big deal, the taxi driver is in stress because the cops are just about to move him or fine him. The whole drama is a subconscious primordial challenge to the man to lead the woman through this in a kind and gentle but extremely firm way. Under no circumstances loose any cool here, you fail at your peril sir. In this example calmly tell the woman (in the tone of voice like you are a pro disaster manager) that you must deal with a minor crisis and you will be with her in a minute, calm the taxi driver and pay him to orbit the block slowly, go back to the woman and hold the woman firmly and explain that you agree on the importance of gloves, it is terrible, but we will go to the theatre without gloves this time and in future you will improve the gloves planning situation. Go to the taxi and get to the theatre late. In the taxi plan your hypnosis of the theatre manager to empower him to give you the empty royal box because you are too late to join the standard seats in the circle. The woman will quietly watch your hypnotic charismatic management of the theatre manager.
Getting a situation like this right once or twice will lead to the woman to never repeating this kind of drama ever again as her subconscious logic becomes asserted to the fact that these sperms will be flowing from a real man. Managing hysterical dram calmly and anger management might be practiced away from any woman you really want to breed with. All anger management involves using the anger energy to power rational circumstance engagement, not in this case engagement with the drama queen while she is away with the mixer. After the theatre trip she should be thoroughly “seen to” of course.
I have to say I don’t agree with the motivation stated for why women play mind games. There’s two different reasons why the “good”/”bad” dichotomy isn’t true. First, among college-educated women, this moral distinction long ago lost its power, yet they still play mind games with men.
Second, women play mind games among themselves! Observing women’s friendships is often a drama in themselves. Women consider ending friendships in a premeditated fashion; few men would ever even consider the possibility with their male friends.
No, we need a better, deeper explanation for why women play mind games with men. “The Female Brain” goes some distance, but there’s still much ground to be tread.
In response to ROSALIE, that statement you made about “all men are unfaithfull” is the most stupid thing I have heard come out a womans mouth. My guess is that you just haven’t been with the right man yet. Not all women but women are unfaithful as well. I have been a faithfull husband of fourteen years, so choose your words wisely or open mouth and insert foot. Have a nice day : )
I agree that women do plan and rationally bring friendships to an end. This occurs once a man she has been with ceases use to her, usually by showing he is either no longer (or never was) worthy of her.
Any woman who has never felt an inexorable primordial imperative to yield to man to whom she is attracted has simply not lived. Rational thought does not come into it. Most women do not even know or love the primordial cave woman within. The sucessfull man speaks directly to the cave woman within in codes that predate language and have the cave woman compel her mistress to do things her college eduction says “no” to.
In response to Ben, the women’s friendships that I’m discussing are among women, not just male-female. My point is that the mind games extend to all types of relationships (I’ve even observed parent-child in the extreme) and are not driven by romantic intentions. Ending a friendship often seems to have nothing to do with whether a man or woman is “worthy.”
Our dysfunctional emancipated world leaves few women with what they really want or need. To discuss anything rational about women first we would have to meet a rational complete woman. They are there, in dwindling numbers, but real complete women are deeply happy and do not discuss their private lives or need to. So I think most of mens confusion comes from a discussion of deeply unhappy women whose search for self can seem deeply irrational and impossible to understand. The solution for us guys is not in understanding dammaged women but in understanding knowing and loving our inner masculine selves. From that position of strength in which we need nothing from any woman the apparaent complexity collapses and we are able to be good friends, brothers or lovers to any woman, whole or dammaged..
Wake up guys you know they use this kind of crap as an excuse to get what they want and if they dont they get pissed off and dump you ….
I agree with Ben most of the testing and games women play is a deep seated genetic programming that let’s them know what kind of man they are dealing with. They are not going to come out and say to their boyfriend “hey, are you a secure or insecure guy?” This will get them nowhere obviously so they must go about it in a roundabout way. So begins the games.
Any man should be prepared for it and actually look forward to it. Men can play games of their own, you can train the woman by witholding affection when she acts up and distancing yourself, and only giving affection when she is well behaved. She will learn quickly. This turns them on. Oh and always let her know she is not the only fish in the pond. Sorry but that’s the way it is.
@roy: actually it is just the opposite; letting them get their way all the time is what will get a guy dumped quickly. I saw a good quote the other day “women are like banks that only want to give you money if you can prove you don’t need it” So true.
Jake is spot on in everything, except tantrums are generally sumbliminal. The girl does not know she is doing it, it is not planned it just happens. After you handle it well or badly she feels good or bad about you but cannot quite put her finger on why.
If you want to keep her handle it well. If you want to dump her just handle it badly, just once and you get dumped. This way you never have to do the dumping which is cool. Except she might tell her friends you are a woose and that might spoil your chances elsewhere.
So if you have a wicked reputation as a womaniser then use the woose action route to take the heat away. If you have a gentleman reputation then just dump her and never play woose. Playing woose always means allowing her to draw you into her reality space.
None of you including the writer of this flawed artcile have it right. It is not genetics nor any of this over-repeated nonsense. It is simply another sign of a very very sick culture. Human beings are far far more influenced by culture than they are by any strict defenition of ‘nature’. There is absolutely no need to play ‘games’. Playing games is NOT natural, and in fact does more damage than anything. Everyone seems to be a pseudo psychologist these days and thinks they know it all. It’s getting old folks. Stop your sick infantile behaviour and maybe one day you sick people will once again rediscover what real love is. We live in a society that is falling very quickly into an absolute moral cesspool with some mighty unhappy and depressed people, both men and women and of all ages. All this silly malarky I have read on here about ‘it means this or it means that’. If someone, man OR woman plays games with someone who likes them, they have a problem and that is the long and short of it. I think it’s high time for many of you to sit back and really think about your behaviour. It’s disgraceful and to then on top of it act as though you are some sort of damned experts on the matter only serves to make you look like fools.
Elian
While your sentiment about how it OUGHT to be is right on, the problem is that we are living in an environment that differs substantially from that. We are making observations about how it IS, and how we might live in how it IS. While we can try to make changes in our culture, we still need to function in this culture–we can’t run off and be monks or set up our own separate culture.
But I also differ substantially with you on one point–research into other species indicates that the game playing noted here has a strong genetic basis. We can’t ignore that even as we try to modify our behavior. In fact, cultural norms often act as controls on our genetically inbred impulses.
I am not sure it’s possible, or even wise, to try and pigeonhole men and women into oh-so-neatly constructed archetypes like you did in your *ahem* article.
Some PEOPLE play games, but it’s both men and women who play them. Some PEOPLE are unfaithful for many different reasons, but I am afraid that trying to lay it all at the feet of men and society is epic fucking fail…Try again.
Women play games to boost their ego and test a man to see how he reacts to their nonsense. Women can do no wrong in today’s society. It is up to a ‘man’ to pick up on these games and either pick them out on them or simply be a wuss and give in.
rosalie : There are no good or bad girls. Every girl should be seen as individuum
Hypnosis´s last blog ..Weight loss through hypnosis
I DIDNT CHEAT BUT MY WIFE SURE DID.
WOMEN CHEAT JUST AS MUCH AS MEN CHEAT, ROSALIE.
SO BEFORE YOU RUN YOUR PIEHOLE, KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT.
Voila! In view humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the “vox populi” now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin, van guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me /B/.
Woman are the kind of creatures that crave to be tamed. This repulsive cultist nature has already determined the futures youth; glamorising drug abuse and indecent behaviour creating a false understanding of life and living. This blindfold of reality bewilders so many that natures emotions are void. The truth lies in simplicity. We are all monkeys, monkeys are better off living a life of bliss in ignorance. Ignorance of understanding.
We have carved our mark of pestilence amongst fellow human.
Woman are sniffing the air and smelling the pie that sits on the window sil. Its a fake dream, a fake representation of everything. Nothing is ever good enough because that pie is sitting there. They spend their whole lives searching for this. Ask a little girl what she wants to be when she grows up. Ask a little boy. Superficial vs Simplistic.
I bid you farewell, nothing can be done about these problems. It doesn’t matter who or what you are you cant save us now. Just try to ignore that we’re doomed.
i swear to god the person writing this article wrote it simply to get responses! especially with the last line “women play games, because men make them”. did you want an uproar of women histerically screaming “i dont play games?!?!?” and men huffing and puffing untill the end of time, insisting that “women do it all by themselves”. we are flawed! both men and women! and women join together to say how “men are pigs” and men join together to say “women are crazy!”. people are crazy and can be pigs.
interesting observation though, i treated my man once like he treated me – and he threw a wobbly bigger than ive EVER seen or done! so men i’d think of your actions a little more instead of thinking your woman has simply flipped out over nothing again, believe me!
I don’t know if it is a woman’s insecurity or immaturity that leads her to play mind games. I’m in a very young (month & a halft) relationship and as of late my so called gf is acting efing strange and weird. Mind you, we haven’t had any romantic interludes or anything. She doesn’t respond to my phone calls but only talks via texting when she feels like it. When I tried to have a talk with her in person to see what’s up, she just showed up at my place out of the blue and all of a sudden ask me to kiss her. She told me she missed me and all. But then next day, same bs routine, prior from the kissing night, has continued. I don’t know what to make of it. I have no problem moving on but w/ a proper talk in person. I can’t take this kinda mind games ’cause it just show how much immature you are and a jerk on top of it.
What do you think of this?
good article-it’s been scientifically proven now that BOTH sexes play mind games.
The pressure of society means that for a man to let his girlfriend have everything and use to extent of using him for her own well being (AKA a Goldigger) and not reprociate it is seen as defeat and a form of weakness from a Man’s perspective.
for a woman-like your article says-finding a balance between naughty and nice is hard-the woman’s example could be a violent/abusive relationship from the past that can influence or change the opinion of men in the near future.
i’ve spoken to alsorts of women about their problems- 9 times out of 10 they want the truth and their fedup of same ol’ routines-then a week later,put up with it….. that’s the unpredictability of a woman’s mind…..
This article is only half true. Sometimes women are trying to preserve their reputation, but most of the time they’re fighting for control.
Some women play games just to see if they’re still attractive to men, with no intention of any type of relationship.
Plenty women play games to test the sexual prowess of a man. If he can beat her at her own game, he gets the prize. However, relationships based on games don’t last! Both parties lose.
Yea?? well what does any of this have to do with fishing???
Ive seen overall young black woman do this hardly at
all compared to white woman that either dont care or all they want is to use you or say dumb things, out of insecurity,
I mean where is all the real people at and why cant they act right and not shy or intimidated all the time,white woman dont like to talk much black woman talk like they care about you and you can tell theres a difference in the way thgey act, more personable or real, and all I get with caucasian woman is ohh lets party and act stupid, or brainless, and no patience at all,
maybe thats just me,
but thats what I see,
Saying that all men are unfaithful is a sweeping generalization that has no basis in fact. Only a feminist loon (aka MISANDRIST) believes that nonsense. For the record, I am not unfaithful to a woman simply because I am not married and do not have a significant other. I do believe that women do indeed play games. I have been through it and as a result have made it a point to steer clear of women. I just got tired of the bull%**t, and having my “chain jerked”. You just heard that from a decent, law abiding guy who has never been arrested or sued. I’ve never been married either (I’m 53), and I count my blessings.
Men don’t “make” women do anything.
Nobody really makes anyone do anything.
This is a moral issue, and we choose to live by them.
We don’t have to live according to other people’s (society’s) morals, but there is a price to pay which is the risk of being left out by people who judge.
We should be responsible for our own feelings and deal with them.
Saying someone makes you feel something is blaming and placing responsibility of our feelings in the external world.
The way I see it there is a choice – Live by your own morals and pay the price, or live by an external moral but don’t bitch about you have to do something because you are “forced”.
You’re angry at the situation because you made a choice and you didn’t even realize you did.
my 2 cents