Thels Talk

Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

MARRIAGE: It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river

OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway “SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”

Source

We all know those cute little computer symbols called ‘emoticons,’ where:
*:) means a smile and
*:( is a frown.

Well, how about some ‘ BUTT ICONS?’ Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass!}

(_o_) an ass that’s been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

“The best engine in the world is the vagina !!It can be started with one finger, is self-lubricating, takes any size piston and changes its own oil every four weeks.

It is only a pity that the management system is so f****** temperamental !!”

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM, ARE NOT:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counsellor, let’s do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6 Is it a penal offence?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn’t
1. Think you can get me off?
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TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE, ARE NOT:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I’ll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
5. HMMMMM, I think it’s out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old; it takes forever to finish.
3. It’s an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you’ll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn’t
1. It’s not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!
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TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF, ARE NOT:
10.. Damn, my shaft is bent..
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it..
3. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip!
2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn’t
1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first!

What’s your take on these? Come on lets talk……your turn