Failed relationships seem to be a part of life, and the older many of us get , the more we realize that failed relationships happen more than we would like. But, happen they do, and it is up to us to try and deal with them as best as we can. That too can be very difficult, depending on the level of commitment and love that the two of you shared. Many of us get blind-sided by failed relationships.

Yet avoiding relationships leads to loneliness and lack of emotional and spiritual growth. Relationships offer us the most powerful arena for personal growth, if we accept this challenge. So what moves us beyond the fear of intimacy?

It is not actually the intimacy itself that people fear. If people could be guaranteed that intimacy would continue to be a positive experience, they would have no fear of it. What they fear is the possibility of getting hurt as a result of being intimate with another.

The fear exists, not because of the experience itself, but because a person doesn’t know how to handle the situations of being rejected or controlled. The secret of moving beyond the fear of intimacy lies in developing a powerful loving adult part of us that learns how to not take rejection personally, and learns to set appropriate limits against engulfment.

After a few failed relationships, many people will simply give up on relationships all together as they are convinced that love is not for them or that they will not find again what they had before.

It can feel as though we will never again find someone to love us as the other person did. Depending on how old you are, or how old you feel, you can also have the feeling like it is too late in life to start a new relationship. Many people will steer clear of relationships altogether for fear of more breakups.

There is still a lot out there for you and there is always time in every one’s life to find love anew - it can just be very hard to see that right after we have had a break-up.

Many people, terrified of losing the other person, will give themselves up in the hope of controlling how the other person feels about them. They believe that if they comply with another’s demands, the other will love them. Yet losing oneself is terrifying, so many people stay out of relationships due to this fear. If they were to learn to define their own worth and stand up for themselves, the fear would disappear.

We have all been through a few breakups in our life. It’s just the way things often go. Some breakups are a breeze and it feels good to walk away and never turn back. Then there are some that you think you will never get over and that have hurt you very deeply - obviously these are the ones that you might want a little help with and a lot of time to mull over.

Come on lets talk, its your turn…

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