Does Fear Prevent Men From Being Successful With Women?
Many a men want to know how to approach women without fear, but very few decide to get to that point… most decide that you need to be born with it.
I have a buddy who will under no circumstances approach a woman he doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter if she’s making direct eye contact and sending him a “come seduce me” smile. He’s absolutely scared to death of making cold approaches. If you share his philosophy of fear, then you’re missing out on a lot of opportunities. It’s your job as a male to approach women and to show interest first.
Have you ever seen a woman that you’d really like to meet, but you started to feel fear and didn’t do anything about it? To put it in different words, most guys don’t take action because they’re afraid that they’ll screw up, or that the woman or others around will judge them.
Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to kiss a woman… but you felt too afraid because you didn’t want to make a mistake and screw up your chances?
Or maybe you even got a woman’s phone number, but you were too afraid to call back because you didn’t know how to start off the conversation or ask her out?
Think for a moment about how you feel if a perfect stranger compliments you. Have you ever had a woman smile and approach you out of the blue? Ever had a carload of girls drive by when you’re jogging and scream at you approvingly? It makes you feel great doesn’t it? It doesn’t even matter if she’s hot or not. If a woman shows interest in you, then you feel great inside.
That’s exactly how women feel. It doesn’t matter if they’re not attracted to you. It doesn’t matter if you say something stupid. If you approach a woman she’ll be genuinely flattered by the attention you’re giving her.
Of course if you approach them in a threatening or creepy manner, they’re not going to appreciate meeting you. On the other hand, if you go up to them in a good natured way and say something halfway pleasant, they’ll love it.
Why do you think women spend hours doing their hair and nails? Why do you think the girl at the mall is wearing a miniskirt that shows off her shapely legs? They do that stuff for you! Women WANT men to appreciate their beauty. They crave the attention. Your attention affirms their sexuality.
So what have you got to lose? You want to meet hot women. Hot women want to be admired. What’s the problem here?
So what if you approach a group of girls and say something stupid? They might laugh at you? WHO CARES?! Being laughed at never killed anyone and it helps you to grow thicker skin. The worst thing that can happen is that you won’t get their phone number, which you never had in the first place. So how is being rejected by a total stranger a bad thing?
They don’t know you so they’re not rejecting who you are inside. They don’t know what qualities you possess, or the many skills you have. They don’t truly know who you are so their rejection means nothing.
Granted, at first it can be hard to gather the courage to blindly walk up to hot women. You may stutter, say something stupid, or words may not come out at all. Always keep in mind what the worst thing that can happen is if you fail. NOTHING!
Successfully approaching hot women is a numbers game. At first you’ll experience a disproportionate number of rejections. But as you gain confidence you’ll be rejected less and less often and your successes will increase dramatically. Eventually you’ll simply stop caring and the nervousness will go away.
For me the fear of approaching a woman comes not from the act of approaching her and saying hi, but knowing what to say to her next in order to engage a conversation with out boring her. Quite frankly I am terrible at having conversations with women, and have few actual friendships with any girls as a result.
This is important stuff guys. A good start is to learn some non threatening ways to say “you look great a treat for the whole planet and thank you for making my day more happy” Now any lady who does not like this is a very sasd Shiela indeed. So if you are rejected coldly just say “Oh I am sorry I intruded but felt compelled”.
PS make up your own lines please, read poetry, shine your open friendly body language. You will have so little competition it is stunning. So help other guys too, we are all needed.
To Ben.. That line sounds mad gay.. Seriously
Also yeah like the first guy said, I have confidence and all and I can approach anyone, but its awkward b/c regular conversation just bores me unless its about some crazy stuff or something that really interests me. I basically just zone out and pretend to listen to what they’re saying because I don’t care.. lol But thats why they invented alcohol.
yeah i agree with joehomo about the gay remark and about the alcohol statement
just remember not to get too drunk because hate guys who come up to them just so they can hold on for support
Why do you even need the alcohol? This just sounds like a bunch low life kids who have nothing to offer, but hide it by drinking and when a woman is off her guard taking advantage.
I want a woman to be apart of my life, with no intentions of a special agenda. I think Ben’s paragraph has some power to it. Is a relationship not based on two independent people coming together and sharing their lives for the soul purpose of “making [each other’s] day more happy?”
As for the poetry part if you could put words together and speak poetically on a regular basis. take for example, “V for Vendetta” then that would be awesome! Don’t be quick to call poetry gay if played right I’ll bet a woman could be swept off her feet.
While Ben’s line is kinda lame… joehomo’s comment just seems ignorant and inappreciative of women… if you’re the bored one and you really don’t give a shit about the girl you’re talking to then you’re not at all the target audience for this article and you don’t deserve any girl beyond the ones you can seduce with alcohol which, if there is truly a god, will never be any girl with intelligence greater than that of a breath mind and a personality more interesting than that of a potted plant.
I am definitely not gay, ask any of my girlfriends. However ask yourself how is it that gay guys are so at ease with women? In their case their preferences allow them to comfortably engage with women and love them free of sexual fears. However straight guys can overcome their fears too. The only problem is controlling how nice and to which women because once some lady falls in love with you you are in deep shit if you are not there for her. Only romance a woman if you are free to be what she might want of you and want to be to her what ever it is she might want from you. As that might include marriage, take great care.
“It’s your job as a male to approach women and to show interest first.”
How about if a woman wants to be seduced she gives more than “come seduce me eyes” and a “come seduce me” smile. You know, maybe talk to the guy? Why should it always be the guy’s responsibility to make the first approach?
Ah… but is that not what women do when they approach you to have a conversation? But, they aren’t saying ‘come seduce me’, instead its more like ‘Hi I am interested, lets talk and see where this goes’ sort of a thing.
I wish I had known this 5 years ago, when I was single. I’ve been with my current girlfriend for the past 4 and a half years. The irony is that being with her has taught me everything I need to know about women… information which is useless to me now. Go figure.
Paul, I have been in two marriages and many shorter relationships, I have four kids, all doing well and one grandchild. I know the theory, but the flowers and the bes know no less. If you came out of your 4 year relationship, a month goes by and you are shattered, your romantic and sexual credetials need to be rebuilt from scratch. After four years with one woman a nice guy ceases to be hetrosexual but becomes specific girl sexual. Forget what you think you feel or even naughty stuff you can do while secure with your girl.
To Mike,
It’s allways the guys job to make the first move, that is the nature of your dominant primordal beast. A really skilled and experienced woman will make it easy and safe for you to talk to her and make you feel at ease. However if you let her be the bold one you either abandon masculinity or struggle to re-establish that for the rest of your life together.
Hey Ben,
How do you know when to approach, I understand that if they smile friendly then it is definetly alright, but sometimes they kinda take one look and look the other way. So any tips on when to approach?
For Jon,
With 58 years of experience my advice is that you approach all women you like the look of in a friendly way and chat to them, listen to them and see how they react. Do not ask anybody out untill you are confident at approaching all women without even thinking of what you would like to do.
Then only ask out a woman who, based upon your very little knowledge of her, fits completely with what you might want. If you do not have wild sexual fantassies about her forget it, if you do not find her immensly interesting forget it. Remember your attraction to her will plummet as soon as she gets keen so make sure there is overwhelming interest coming from your soul before you risk her heart on you.
More for Jon,
We say “men lead”. That must not just mean that you make the first overt move. It means you go out there and get the woman you want. This selfless love of all women is fine but underlying that we want you to end up as a happy as a pig in shit. So do not let the women’s body language do the real leading. If you loosen up and be friendly to all attractive single women you will find your choice range is almost unlimited.
The worst misstake you can make in approaching a woman is to unwittingly show noticeable interest in her body. I speak to lots of women and when they tell me about a guy who they loath the reason is invariably that “he was undressing me with his eyes”.
There is nothing wrong in choosing the girl who is all over you, but only if she is your choice in any case. Usually your ideal (experienced) girl will diliberately show you no encouragement at all.