Thels Talk

Archive for April, 2008

I have a little problem with the popular saying regarding the early bird getting the worm. My boy friend rephrased it as, it’s the early worm that gets caught. First and foremost, is that baiting enough to encourage one to make do with less sleep? Is it sufficient reward as you wake up bleary-eyed, wondering if it was worth the effort of hauling yourself out of bed merely to win some dubious brownie points?

More often than not you find yourself shortchanged. However much I may disagree over the advantages of being an early bird, I think I was born with a premature sense of timing, always ready well before time and then having to endure the long wait for others who are time-challenged. I have tried my best to cure myself of this habit but it’s too deeply ingrained. My body clock insists on never letting me down.

One hears about the virtues of early to bed and early to rise which supposedly inculcate wisdom and good health. I beg to differ. The only quality I have seen emerge from indulging in such behavior is grumpiness and a disinclination to converse in anything but grunts. Waking up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed is obviously too much to ask for.

So, you get up early and try to convince yourself that the long day stretching before you is rich with diverse possibilities.

From my long years of experience in this regard, I can assure you that contemplation of all that is in store for you the unwelcome chores that lie ahead, the bumper to bumper traffic is like viewing a bleak landscape. And what can be more irritating than being wide awake while everyone else is in deep slumber, with no intention of sharing their precious waking hours with you?

This habit also robbed me of a chance of making easy money. Arriving at Heathrow airport in the early hours one day last year I was met by an apologetic man at the check-in counter who informed me that they were overbooked and would I mind taking the next flight the following day. About to burst a blood vessel at the thought of the mad dash to the airport after approximately two hours of sleep, my outburst was stopped short by his next words. They were music to my ears.
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Women and men contribute love in different ways. Women are more emotional so touching, saying I Love You, and doing things for us are acts of love. For example, cleaning up the dishes or cooking dinner is acts of love. For men they contribute love with respect and sex.

A good example is that women want men to say “I Love You”, however, if they do not tell us they love us then we fall apart. If we do not respect them, and love them then they start to become defensive. That is when the fighting will probably start.

An age difference of 7 – 15 years can lead to a really great relationship if both partners are willing to. That’s because we don’t choose who we fall in love with, it simply happens.

Most women over 25 and single are already disappointed by men of their age, they are looking to find a mature man that can satisfy their needs. In most cases men reach their maturity level after the age of 30; therefore, most women are just wasting time with men under 30. Most women over 25 believe that older men won’t break their hearts the way younger men have done; they believe that an older man will have the commitment and the willingness required for a long-term relationship.

Age indicates maturity, and decision making ability, so older men are a better choice for a mate. Many young women say young men their same age don’t respect them, but older men do. Younger women enjoy having someone take care of them and are attracted to an older man’s accomplishments, economic stability and emotional maturity.
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Almost half of us have been romantically tied to someone from work, and many more would like to find amour in a neighboring cubicle. You’ve got to be smart about this, you have to really think about what you’ve got to lose and what you’ve got to gain.

There are co-workers who meet and fall in love at the office – or, maybe, just have a fling. And then there are married co-workers who meet and fall in love at work – or, maybe, just have a fling.

If the first camp presents ample opportunities for workplace distraction and drama, just think of the dust storms the second camp can kick up – you know, angry spouses showing up in the lobby.

It may be difficult to see what there is to lose when diving into a relationship with the love of your life (for real, this time). But in the worst-case scenario a soured romance could damage your professional reputation, cost you your job or result in sexual harassment charges. Be prepared for office gossip, jealousy, tension and a lack of space, not to mention the possibility you’ll have to keep working with your sweetheart after a breakup.

Find out if your company has policies on dating. It may forbid or strongly discourage relationships between certain people in the company or require you to report the relationship when it begins.

A lot of employers pretty strongly discourage romances because if there is a breakup or spat it affects everyone else in the office.
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Last week on my way to office, a gentleman stopped me in a nearby lane. He said that he was a cheat and he wanted to confess.

Struggling to overcome my shock, I asked him the reason for his confession.

“I recently met a better cheat than me. It is only because of him that I am now standing in front of you,” he said.

Did he ask you to confess, I inquired.

“Yes. Being a thorough professional, he believes that a cheat must once in a while confess instances of his successes as a swindler. Like self-help writers who always ask readers to recall instances of success for motivation, cheats too should do the same.”

“But why me? I’m a poor journalist,” I pointed out.

“It’s best to confess to a journalist,” he replied.

“But I could expose you to the whole world as a cheat, and that could be a big threat to your career,” I warned him.

Displaying a contemptuous smile, he replied: “On the contrary. The day you publish my story I will right away deny it. Of course, being a victim, people will believe my version because every reader is aware of how newspapers sensationalise stories these days!”
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I love to see brides running about the town trying to plan their wedding. It puts a smile on my face. I knew this bride who was absolutely exact on every detail of her wedding. I remember thinking “Calm down, its just a Wedding.” But, when the Wedding day came, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was perfect and just absolutely beautiful!

I’ll share with you some of my favorite things at her Wedding.

First, there was this absolutely stunning Ice Sculpture that was shaped in the form of her and her new grooms initials. It was very cool! But this wasn’t just any ice sculpture. This sculpture had apple juice running in through the middle of their names and pouring out the sides into an ice bowl and that’s where people scooped out their drink. I was so impressed! So remember, the décor at your Wedding and at your Reception are a really big deal. Decorations really set the tone and atmosphere of the whole Wedding evening and you want to make sure that it is the correct mood that you wanted created there that evening.

Second, another cool thing she had at her wedding was a live string quartet orchestra. It was beautiful and what a difference a live orchestra made than having strings playing on the cassette player. It made more people feel like dancing with their loved ones, which really made the evening a lot more fun. Choice of entertainment is very important as well. Make sure that you choose carefully the type of entertainment and music you want at your Wedding. It will, like the decorations, set a mood and feeling within the Wedding Day and Reception time.
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Are the residents called Fuckers?

What are the mothers called?
What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?
Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?
If your friend came from this town, he would be known as your Fucking friend.

The village is known to have existed as “Fucking” since at least 1070 and is named after a man from the called Focko. “-ing” is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people of the root word to which it is attached; thus Fucking means “(place of) Focko’s people.” The village has a population of 93.

GERMANS NOT AMUSED

Here are a few excerpts from a newspaper article which are funnier than the sign.

British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village effing and blinding by coonstantly by stealing the signs for their oddly named village. While British tourists are finding it hilarious, the residents of Fucking are failing to see the funny side.

Only one kind of criminal ever stalks the 32 house village – cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humor and a screwdriver. But the local authorities are hitting back with the signs now in concrete. “We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed” the officer said. “It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is the big Fucking joke? It is puerile.”

A local tourist guide said, “The Germans want to see the Mozart house in Salburg. Americans seem to care only about Sound Of Music (the 1965 film shot around Salzburg). The ocassional Japanese want to see Hitler’s birthplace in Braunau. But for the British, its all about Fucking.”

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If you think your woman would never lie to you, guess again. From little white lies to the more serious variety, most women will curtail the truth at some point in a relationship. Her motivation for lying can stem from wanting to protect your feelings or, sure enough, to save her own butt.

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, ‘My dear child, why are you crying?’ The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

‘Is this your thimble?’ the Lord asked The seamstress replied, ‘No.’
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

‘Is this your thimble?’ the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, ‘No.’

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

‘Is this your thimble ?’ the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, ‘Yes.’ The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, ‘Why are you crying?’ ‘Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!’

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. ‘Is this your husband?’ the Lord asked.

‘Yes,’ cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. ‘You lied! That is an untruth!’ The seamstress replied, ‘Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
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The red tea diet is a low-calorie diet that may help you lose up to seven pounds within five days. This diet requires that you to drink four cups of red tea daily, at breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner, and eat only certain foods rich in carbohydrates and vegetables.

The foods required for this diet include fruits, vegetables, fish, eggs, pasta, whole grain, and rice. The prohibited foods include sugar, fats, diary foods, bananas, grapes, and meat. Breakfast should include a cup of red tea with orange juice or orange slices, a slice of whole bread, or two musli bars.

A type of tea known by Westerners as Black tea and made from the completely oxidized bud leaves of Camellia sinensis. This tea type is commonly known in some Asian cultures as “red tea”. Red Bush and Honeybush are teas indigenous to South Africa. With many health benefits and a very delicious taste red tea is becoming the tea of choice.

Red tea contains no caffeine and has been shown to help ease cases of insomnia, irritability, headaches, nervous tension and hypertension.
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